Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
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