Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
