I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
