need another drink. this is the easiest way
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
