Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
