Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Houston, we have a squirter
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize