you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
