Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
