got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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