I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
