Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
