Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
