he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Randomize
