if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
