I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
He passed out mid-signature
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
