I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
