We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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