Duck Duck Cougar?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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