listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
