Ambien. No doubt about it.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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