its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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