Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
