dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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