nut hugger
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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