Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Randomize
