She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
