im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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