my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
