one might say we're banned from that church
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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