ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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