I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
