I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
