I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
