my vag is so smooth its legendary
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
