So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
