Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize