i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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