Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
