so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
As shirtless as possible
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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