i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
