she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I just gift wrapped bread.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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