the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
