College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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