We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
