I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
