I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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