i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
