Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
