i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
