Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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