4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
she peed on how many people?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
