Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
