Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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