Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
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