he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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