Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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