I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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