im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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