I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
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