sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
