who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
