Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
