Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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