My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
