As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
