I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
