i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
