If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
